Masses Flocked. Masses fled.

So the best and the worst day of my life both revolve around my brothers. Growing up I had one brother, Luke. He was only a few years younger than I and we had a lot of fun together. We have identical ideas of humor which most people do not relate to, whatsoever. Unlike me, Luke was shy, scared of things like E.T. and vacuums but was definitely born with unique humor. We grew up with friends who were part of very large families and I was always envious when they got to welcome home a newborn. I wanted it to happen to me. I hoped and prayed and begged for my Mom to have a baby too. For years and years she convinced me that it would not happen, EVER! So I continued to hope and pray and beg year after year. One day, the best day, during my 8th grade year of school my parents sat us down to tell us that we were pregnant. I felt incredible, like I had won the lottery. Luke felt slighted. We still laugh about it today. The worst day of my life was the day we had to sit down and hear that Luke had cancer.

Mark was my best friend. Born the day I started high school. Mark is our gentle giant. I still can't imagine what our lives would have been like without him. I always knew our family was incomplete. My favorite of many memories is how he used to make sure he brushed my hair for me everyday before school. I left for college and both of our worlds changed drastically. Mine got bigger and his got smaller. He was only a baby and didn't understand where or why I was going! The thought of seeing my diapered "pooh bear" in my rear view mirror chasing my car every Sunday can still bring me to tears today. You should have seen his tears the day I came home from college with short hair! I always thought he would be a hair dresser.

Luke has an incredible and natural voice. There is kindness in his eyes and sensitivity and charm that melts you. He is naive and witty at the same time. He is a cancer survivor. He is an Idol survivor. Even before American Idol, girls flocked. He is the first person I contact when something funny happens to me. Usually because I know I'm guaranteed a laugh. My favorite childhood memory of Luke is the day I didn't make the cheerleading team. I practiced and practiced and practiced and still failed. He knew how much it meant to me. I was lying on my water bed in tears and I heard a knock at my bedroom door. Luke tip toed in and said "don't cry Bekah. I got you a flower". He handed me a single rose. The day the doctor said "Luke has a large mass in his chest" made me think yeah, I know, but what's wrong with him? The mass is gone....Idol is gone...but no one has seen the last of our shining star.

All I've ever wanted

It took loads of classes, thousands in loans, numerous degrees, hundreds of voice teachers, countless auditions and too many addresses and tears to count... to teach me that the only job I truly desire is wife and god willing, mother. Sometimes pursuing the one thing you want most in life can leave you with not much of a life at all. With talent comes doubt. With doubt comes guilt. With guilt comes regret. Guilt from wasting your talent, guilt from keeping it all to yourself. Deciding what you want to do for the rest of your life at age 17 is just not a good idea. Finding myself, finding love and getting married had nothing to do with talent. I love this chapter . The chapter where I sing to my husband and sing to my babies. All the practicing and money in the world is worth singing with a legit smile!

Waitress

You can take the girl out of the restaurant but you can't take..... yeah, yeah you know the rest. "Chapter Waitress" ended in November 2009 but a server I will always be. I can't bear the sight of a used, unfolded napkin. I will forever have to restrain myself from pulling a chair for a stranger. I can't even fathom the word "customer". Waiter's are a rare bunch. Some students, even more know-it-alls and each and every one an actor indeed. There were many attempts to leave, but how could I without missing the cash, the flexibility, the twirling, the secret language of silly night owl co-workers, my family? I believe the children and spouses of these ridiculous servants are the luckiest of all.